2 out of 5

Director: Deborah Brock (South Beach) / Joe Esposito (Rock ‘n’ Roll)

Only the non-Corey Feldman moments of Rock n Roll High School buoy this abysmal collection… although Im sure Feldman followers would argue that his inability to not mug for the camera are what make these films. Anyhow, South Beach Academy is the worst of the worst. Before the internet, 80s / early 90s nudity fluff was a staple, and there are some gems of that genre (hi, Andy Sidaris). While South Beach Academy sort of plays its cards right with dumb humor and the beach setting and a likeable, talk-to-the camera look good lead, it ruins it by featuring ALL fake breasts and, for whatever reason, featuring Corey Feldman. Seriously: it seems like his scenes are edited in. He has a horrid goatee and is incapable of not acting like hes aware that youre only watching this because hes Corey Feldman. But fine. Negative stars. I watch bad movies, but South Beach is nigh-unwatchable beyond the second rigid boob and Feldman porny dream sequence. But rock n roll high school… you know what, this is solid B. And Feldman isnt actually BAD, per se, and Ill even give the music moments credit for being energized, its just that hes totally incongruent with the rest of the characters. His other bandmates are definitely rock/punk and Feldman… loves Michael Jackson. He still does his mugging, but its more acceptable… if he wasnt so out of place. The movie putts along, though, and has some laugh out loud moments (the pee joke was pretty key), and is the only thing that manages to drag this collection to two stars. (Wouldve been three w/o South Beach.)