2 gibbles out of 5
Director: David Schmoeller
Yeah. So there’s a movie I’m sure you’re familiar with called ‘It’s Alive,’ a classic Larry Cohen fear-of-pregnancy film. I like Larry Cohen. I’ve watched ‘It’s Alive’ at least 5 or 6 times. I’ve fallen asleep at some point in the movie every single time. Because it’s slow. And quiet. But… I still like ‘It’s Alive,’ because it’s creepy, and the characters are interesting, and except for some cheesy Cohen stuff that happens, some of the concepts it toys with are good contemplatin’ material.
This is my third time through Puppet Master. Third attempted time. Because I fall asleep during this too. But it should be interesting – scary toys are always a win, and your main characters are a group of psychics, and we got a score from Richard Band, who made one of my favorite themes for Re-Animator… And yet, I wouldn’t say I liked Puppet Master. And it is boring, against all odds.
So William Hickey is fixin’ up some ‘puppets’ at our film’s start as some mysterious suited figures stalk through the Bodego Bay hotel. Some edits and some dialogue let us know that they are there for Hickey, and, probably, to take the puppets. Which he hides. Jump forward several years and four psychics of varying psychic specialties get the ol’ mental ringaling to come vist the Bodego Bay, where one of their ilk has passed away, leaving a widow. Why are they there? We don’t really know. But soon, the puppets – their hiding spot found – come alive, and start doing horror movie things to the people.
That’s enough meat for a movie. The puppets are cool looking, with passable effects, and back in VHS days, finding something random like this would’ve been a gem, hence the bamillion sequels it’s spawned. But it’s still boring. The films moves very slowly, and plays its trump card right away: we see the puppets moving on their own in that first scene. I know the movie’s called Puppet Master, so there never would have been a doubt, but since the story doesn’t really try to offer any explanations and since all of our leads are sort of whiny or uninteresting, a little bit of tension would’ve gone a long way. Instead we’re left waiting through the first 2/3rds of the movie for the puppets to finally come out and play.
The story doesn’t wander so much as never happen. When I would fall asleep and rewind to figure out why something’s happening, I’d realize they never explain it. Which again, would be fine in a different kind of film. In the Basket Case series, things get weird and weird and stupid, but we allow it because that’s the tone of the film. Puppet Master is grounded in an odd somberness due to a languid shooting style and Band’s score. At such a slow and sad pace, the lack of meat to the story becomes apparent.
Yup.
I thought we might bake a cake.
vaguely-offensive 