2 out of 5

Director: Cameron Crowe

I’m sure this film is pleasant if you’ve had emotions before, but to those of us firmly rooted in cynicism, it’s fairly blind, fairly privileged. As he has since, uh, always, director / writer Crowe has a knack for boiling sweeping experiences down to iconic songs and voiceovers. E-Town has some funny moments, and those typical Crowe common man insights, but the blend just feels off here. Orlando Bloom is about to commit suicide due to making a big mistake at his big bucks job when he’s called to oversee his family’s representation at his father’s funeral in Elizabetown, Kentucky. Somehow quirky Kirsten Dunst floats in and out of his life and gets him to wake up and realize life something something something. The high to low lifestyle worked cheesily well with Jerry Macguire, perhaps due to the overblown nature of the sports game and some amazing performances by its leads. Almost Famous had music, which people like. But Elizabethtown is forced accents from famous people and this sort of rounded edge view of small town life. It’s a harmless film, and it’s nice to see Bloom looking like a man and not boyed up as he usually is, but from the first repeated voiceover mantra in the opening few minutes, you pretty much know exactly where this is all going to go. Had I not seen so many versions of this film (done by millions of others and done better by Crowe previously), I would be affected. But I’m all cynical up in here.