2 out of 5

Director: Mark L. Lester

I always preferred my action stars in the Die Hard mold (…ironic that an intended sequel to this was apparently worked into Die Hard…) as opposed to the Arnold-inspired muscle-bound action films of the 80s, but that doesnt mean that the big-explosion steel-bending joke-cracking hero doesnt have a place in my little filmy heart. Commando is either ridiculous or purposefully ridiculous, but it didnt seem fully aware enough to satisfy the latter and as such gets stuck in a rut of watchable but… ignorable. Arnold is retired commando John Matrix, who lives single dad style on an isolated ranch where he feeds deer and eats ice cream with little daughter Alyssa Milano. Matrix gets a visit from the army one day warning him that his old partners are being picked off one by one… sure enough some bad guys show up, kidnap Matrixs daughter, and tell him that unless he does as told, theyll kill her. Cue Arnold dodging bad guys (and god bless the pre cell-phone era when David Patrick Kelly (whom I love) has to scramble for a quarter to call his boss when things go awry) and stocking up on guns to take down tons of people by himself. This is the pinnacle of the invincible hero movie – Arnold doesnt dodge bullets and no one can shoot but him; he can lift 1,000 lb objects with ease and makes completely illogical decisions in the name of actionry. So its fun, right? It is, I just like these movies either with a bit more grit or a bit more awareness. This was equal parts knowing that its being silly and also cashing in on that same silliness because we like oily muscle men. James Horners score was a huge, surprising plus, though. My rating is obviously relative – if you like this style of silly action, this is your movie.