1 out of 5

Director: Hau Chang

Wow. Well – kudos to Crash Masters for attempting to clean up the film as much as possible, – the print seems so dark and dirty that it mustve taken some work. SOME work, as pixelation becomes huge and super obvious with certain color combination, but its not like I actually know about film restoration, so whatever. But what about the movie, you ask? What about it. 13 Worms is a strange little thing, with some interesting set pieces and random, hopefully poorly translated songs popping up enough that youd call this a musical. But damn if it isnt pointless and boring. And old man and a beggar (a girl that the subtitles keep referring to as male..) stumble into a town and challenge The 13 Worms (Why are they called this? Does anyone call them that outside of the first scene? Hm.) to a game of chess, on the notion that if they beat the Worms, the Worms owe em a favor. They win, and the favor is to rescue a prisoner. Okay! But then the beggar tags along… and seems to try and foil their attempts at rescue at every opportunity. Why? Good question. Oh, and theres a treasure later. Does it matter? Maybe? While some sets are interesting (a prison camp where the prisoners move giant chess pieces for their keepers entertainment) the camera stays away from any great action and the slapstick never builds to anything more than some chuckles. 97 minutes that I had to watch over a week because it was tough to sit through.