Halloween: Resurrection

1 out of 5

Directed by: Rick Rosenthal

It just feels rather lazy.  As a Halloween movie, it’s only relevant in its first 15 minutes or so – and I’m really unclear, beyond, I’m supposing, “I don’t want to be in this movie” limitations from Jamie Lee Curtis as to why those first 15 minutes weren’t just expanded into the whole film – and as a film, it hardly holds together, using the zeitgeists of the day (Reality TV!  Internet!) and then some dated zeitgeists (Blair Witch!) to create a faceless blob of half-baked ideas.  And then, as a fallback, even as a generic slasher it tanks, giving the killer no real reason to do what he does, nor giving the teens he jabs at with his knife and real reason for doing what they’re doing either, beyond, like, kids like being famous and so something something story where we’re filming ourselves inside the infamous Myers house.

Being generous, there are some worthwhile concepts that could’ve been used more effectively, including the multiple points of view (everyone has a camera with them) and the idea of remotely guiding someone away from a killer, as the Final Girl is communicating with a dude outside of the house via text over a, um, Palm Pilot (no criticisms – we’ll let dated technology fly), but the former is just applied for editing flashiness, and the latter… well, is just dumbly applied.

Our opening makes it clear that Michael survived the ending of the vastly superior H20, and Laurie Strode is in a mental hospital, just waiting for his return.  Spoiler: he does.  Second spoiler: this scene has zero relevance for the rest of the film.

Cut to Busta Rhymes, who’s hosting some kind of internet-hosted reality TV show which will require its contestants to strap up with head-cams and explore a haunted location – the fabled home of Mr. Myers – to suss out the truth behind the legend.  Or at least I think that’s the reason, as a lot of the “rules” – that they have to spend the night, I guess, and that they’re locked in, and etc. – all seem to be intuited rather than spoken aloud, because the movie cares not for character or plot so much as locking hott teens together, because that is the way of horror movies.

Which would be fine if… there was anything else to it, I guess.  If there were some inspired kills, or some humor (even dumb humor would be acceptable), but this was in a post-Scream, beginnings-of-internet dayz when it was cooler to just be smug and faux self-aware.  It was also a shitty point in gender inequality (when has it not been, I suppose), as we were in a swing where women were sort of allowed to be sex positive and assertive but still totally used as cheesecake and the assertiveness is played up as a front for horniness and yadda yadda, here’s a shot of some boobs.  I like that our heroine had to be guided by a man to escape out of a window when Myers is busting down the only door.

Director Rick Rosenthal shows some of the energy he brought to Halloween II way back when, but it gets lost behind the attemptedly modern veneer, as well as the questionable way the head-cams were applied – the footage they shoot is miscolored and shitty quality, which makes it “scary” in the same way that shaky-cam = “action.”  It’s also unclear how this crappy footage then translates to clear video for an online stream, but going into the logistics of this “reality show” is a fool’s errand.