3 out of 5

Director: Richard Raaphorst

There is… no point… to this flick… except in watching the unbelievably awesomely awesome monster design.  The creatures in Frank’s Army dismiss years of disappointment over every video game and movie that promises something COOL LOOKING but comes up with just another Silent Hill or Hellraiser knockoff ad nauseum.  Sure, the zombos here take notes from that same book, but there’s inspiration behind every spinning blade and stitched-together body-part that shows love from initial concoction to production to bring all of this to life – glorious, practical life; minimal CG life.  Director Raaphorst doesn’t waste time building up to some Ultimate Reveal Zombie or drenching things in shadows – he keeps tossing new and new creatures at us once we’re about 30 minutes in, and just as you tire of the general faux-documentary formula, here comes one of the three or four plot points to keep you watching or, better yet, some as-yet-unseen inventiveness lumbering into frame.  There’s no denying that Frank’s Army are the stars of the film here.  They’re featured prominently in that cover.  It’s the name of the film.  No need to hide it.  And I’m going to thank the director’s background in working with some of the Re-Animator crew in his understanding of balancing visual overkill with entertainment – while the plot is a tossaway (Russian troops being filmed for posterity – so we’re told – stumble across some wacky machine + human experiments in the German woods) – the look of the film (outside of the creepos) shows a desire to make the picture feel complete.  Yes, the acting is a little sketchy in that no one quite seems weirded out enough, and it’s Dark Sky, so it gets campy with some old-school monsters raging-at-the-screen business – plus we can’t really get too historically accurate – but we’re not supposed to care.  Which is why it’s hard to rate this above three stars, because we don’t really care about any of it beyond the visuals.  It’s not scary, and until Karel Roden appears it avoids dark humor so it’s not really funny, and maybe it just… sorta… ends… but holy cats is it a visual treat through and through.