1 gibble outta 5

Director: John Singleton

2 FAST. 2 FURIOUS. …What an effing piece of crap.

Listen, I get it – this movie is not for me. It’s not about dialogue, it’s not about characterization. It’s about cars and driving scenes. Even taken on those merits alone, the movie seems lacking. True enough – I know nothing of cars. Regardless, I get the sense that the people involved with this movie don’t know much either, beyond the notion that only sexy people and/or people who speak Spanish should drive cars that are rigged with Nitro boosts and painted in flourescent colors.

Okay, fine, again – I’m missing the point. But… really? Do we really only care about money and women? And even if we do, why are all the action scenes shot so poorly? The unfortunate trend with these nonsense movies, once the formula has been established, is to try and make it seem like a real movie, instead of the grab for cash that it actually is. Back in the day, sequels used to be about bigger and better. They sucked, but the explosions were larger. Not so for the second Fast and Furious movie: the car chases are limited, and there many, many conversations about brotherhood and standing up for one another, where Ludacris sings about being “Too fast, too furious” in the background and Paul Walker gives Tyrese a pound while asking him – “You got my back, bro?” Yes, Mr. Walker – I have your back.

Anyhow, the movie is about cars, and some kind of thing where Paul Walker works for the cops. Eva Mendes looks great and everybody’s car goes fast. John Singleton’s career is dead, and characters fall in love because… uh… it’s written in the script. I get it: you’re watching it because you like automobiles to go fast and you like hot people. But please – even ye who enjoy this type of film must admit that this is near the pits of the genre.