Bodycount HC (2018 Top Shelf edition) – Kevin Eastman

1 out of 5
Bodycount has always been junk.  You could’ve asked me at any point in my TMNT fandom, and that would’ve been my summary.  Repackaged in an IDW world under their acquired Top Shelf banner, it gets a nice hardcover treatment with a groovy pinup-worthy cover (Bisely pin-up moments the series’ only redeeming value) and some process pages, but even those process pages have a gaff – to complement the many scripting flubs throughout – and the glossification of the color does _not_ work: the scumminess of the tone deserves paper pages and the accompanying slightly dimmed color.
Eastman is, at least, consistent, and he admits that he’s not a great writer.  He likes teenager-notebook-scribbled subject matter like babes and guns and swears, and that’s what he’s generally written and that’s what he offers here.  For some reason, though, he decided that this formula that could barely maintain single issues of Raph and Casey macho nonsense needed a whole series.  It _doesn’t._  The “plot” of a hit gone wrong that swoops up our TMNT duo is as barely there as those quotes imply, sufficing only to carry everyone to John Woo-influenced (cleverly alluded to by a character named, ahem, Johnny Woo Woo) gun fights.  For, like, a hundred pages.  I guess you could get on board for Simon Bisely’s art, who certainly does his huge-muscled, veiny, ostentatious-poses thing, but the guy is _not_ suited for sequential art: his pages are godawful messes and almost humorously slapped together at points.  Occasionally he culminates in something fun, but it’s lost amidst the tirade of boring, repetitive crap.
I can hardly read this book.  It’s on my shelf because I have other Turtles books on my shelf, and I needed a collected version to glance at to reconfirm my hatred of it instead of digging out the back issues.