3 out of 5

Directed by: Olatunde Osunsanmi

No, this isn’t very good, but it’s equivalent to a not-very-good B-movie, and thus… like, it’s actually okay and stupidly fun. I hemmed and hawed over whether to take it to task for definitely being a bad Star Trek movie, but given that this springs from the Discovery-verse, one of – to me – the most teeth-gritting takes on the franchise, it kind of gets a free pass to not be Star Trek at all. And while Discovery went in the not-your-daddys-Trek direction to offer up an example of participation-award crewpersons who like to say four letter words around their captains, Section 31 goes in a less cringe direction that also includes four letter words, but embraces more of the bitter ‘tude that seemed to initially be hanging around the edges of Discovery’s first season, and embraces Section 31’s remit as the Federation’s secret ops program to attempt a Ocean’s 11 / John Wick-y pulpy vibe. (It is neither of those movies, of course, but respect for trying.)

We must also acknowledge the movie’s origin as a TV show, of course, which clarifies its 3-act structure, and why those acts seem like they’d probably work as episodes of a show, with part 1 being a MacGuffin heist, part 2 a find-the-mole mystery, and part 3 a big ol’ space fight.

So with all our caveats established, we’re ready to deal with some very jank effects, incredibly forced quirk, uncomfortably over-the-top accents, slow choreography, and underwhelming character “development” that was likely better if / when stretched out over a season. That last bit is mostly relegated to Michelle Yeoh’s Philippa Georgiou, ex-emperor of the mirror universe Terran Empire, now “retired” to being a nightclub owner at some point past her Discovery days, and then recruited into Section 31 by a ragtag team of something-or-others to secure said MacGuffin, which, like many Star Trek MacGuffins, has the ability to destroy the universe. Omari Hardwick’s Alok is the leader of these something-or-others, fittingly getting some of the other character drib-drabs, and is a solid pairing for Yeoh’s killer-with-a-heart archetype; Sam Richardson seems oddly cast as a tech pro alien, but manages to make the role work for his comedic patter; the others filling out Section 31 do the weirdo / muscle / seductress / straight-laced bits effectively enough, though with cuecard stiffness that relegates this to B-movie sphere. However, it is, again, the cast’s / crew’s willingness to kind of lean into this – including some really cheeseball greenscreen (that’s juxtaposed with some quality design and modeling) that prevents the flick from suffering with Discovery’s over-seriousness. Instead, seasoned TV writer Craig Sweeney and seasoned TV director Olatunde Osunsanmi splatter the screen with very set concepts and spaces (i.e. the aforementioned heist is centered around a well-defined bar / hotel; the mole hunt operates in the corridors of a plantary outpost; the space chase spread across two distinct ships), enhanced by appropriately chintzily lit cinematography from Glen Keenan: the team establishes scene parameters, presses record, does some takes and moves on. Whether or not that was the reality, I can’t say, but it’s the vibe – and it’s way silly, and it mostly works.

If you want to take this to task as a Star Trek property, power to you, but I’m standing by accepting that Discovery already torched that bridge. And Section 31’s approach for rebuilding that bridge was to apply a layer of Doctor Who-ish campiness blended with American-borne snark, which… maybe doesn’t make a great bridge, but I’ll run across it at least once before it collapses.