2 out of 5

Milligan, from afar, is batshit genius.  The whole pitch of an X-Men book as a reality show is inspired, and the “ratings”-baiting plot beats of hookups and breakups, sudden deaths, and big to-do’s over roster changes are all part of that meta-setup.

Or are they?

As previously opined, part of my problem with Milligan’s X-Force is how it wants to have it both ways: it actually wants us to care about these characters while enacting the most egregious soap opera tropes, but all the literary nods and ten dollar words and self-aware cheek can’t just magically make that combo a reality.  Again, the birds-eye view is distracting, and I think that’s where you can appreciate Tue book and be satisfied at first glance: This arc involving a spectre of death pointing at either Guy, or Tike, or Edie, looming over their thoughts as they head into space for a mission which they’re intended to throw (battling mutated criminals the government would like to pass of as aliens), whilst homelife burbles with Phat and Vivisector’s “fake” gay relationship, Tike’s flirtations with Dead Girl, a team name change, and a media lawyer who flakes business cards off as dead skin courting the team for representation… all that stuff sounds either hilarious or rife with potential to be so.  But once you’ve been through this, and the shock of Marvel characters flagrantly discussing race and sex rather wears off, you’re left with how dumb the actual execution is.  When Milligan doesn’t try to plot too deeply, the stupid/smart thing comes across; a five issue arc doesn’t work for that.

The spectre of death – a bunch of mud and bones that rises up in a cemetery when the team is scouting Dead Girl – is ridiculous; someone says “that’s death,” and then they all just go with that, and further assume that the pointing finger guarantees their soon-to-come passing.  This sequence has no build up, and yet it’s treated like the end-all.  Similarly, Guy and Edie’s never-there relationship continues to be handled like it was always there, and the dealings with the space criminals – all black, triggering some Spike grumbling – is too in-your-face to be clever, with an incredibly lazy offing of Spike that Milligan lampshades by reminding us that X-Force’s fans (in the comic world…) never warmed up to the character.  Yes, meta, but still played out over pages and thus a waste of our time.

All of the story plays out this way, like one long delaying tactic for a punchline that was already told as part of the comic’s original pitch.  And it becomes increasingly notable that Allred doesn’t really know what to do with Doop, who just hangs around in indiscernible poses.  Compare to guest artist Duncan Fegredo on issue 129, in which the Doopster at least seems to have a brain while he flutters around the backgrounds.

I undeniably like the ideas here, I just really need to be reminded – beyond reiterating those ideas – why I should care.