1 gibble out of 5

Director: Simon S. Sheen

Wow. This is the pits. Not that 3 Ninjas was a miracle, and not that 3 Ninjas Kick Back was a super high standard, but when I tune out within the first few minutes of a movie – and I’m a pretty patient movie watcher – then you know there’s trouble.

From the get-go something is off about this film. The grandfather seems like he forgot he agreed to do this movie until the last minute, and while the new “Rocky” (I think… the “oldest” child, even though he now physically looks younger than the middle “Colt”) definitely has some fighting chops, he is saddled with poorly shot and acted scenes that undermind what were some potentially fun scenery props and choreography. The plot is the Karate Kid III of the 3 Ninjas series… “let’s get all environmental.” But the bad guys are too hammy to worry about, and the sort-of-sub-plot about the indian father’s trial falls incredibly flat and seems cut in sloppily. Even the silly jokes don’t work for some reason.

I’m not expecting high-brow humor, but it just seemed like they brought in someone who had just discovered comedy to “spice up” the script. Also, apparently EVERY karate move has to be accompanied by the same exact “Hyah!” vocalization. All the kids are guilty of this. But: what killed this, killed this, KILLED this for me was that damn kid who played Tom-Tom. The kid from the previous film was believable, and cutely ignorant and hungry. This kid? It’s like his parents tell him every day that he’s the best actor on Earth. He doesn’t stop mugging through the whole freaking movie. Boom.