1 out of 5

It’s totally, absolutely, possible that I’m just down on Hellboy lately, sinking deeper into a souring opinion for various ongoing-number-Abe-Sapien-y reasons.  Totally possible.  Also possible: that this one-shot 30th DH 30th Anniversary issue is pretty crappy.

And this is nothing about being purist with the HB approach: giving guest artists short shots at the title certainly worked wonders in Weird Tales, and the world has lent itself to compressed flashes well over the years.  But the versions collected here, collectively, depress.

First up (accepting that Mignola almost always gets co-credit on these things) is ‘Broken Vessels’ by Scott Allie and, newcomer to HB, Tim Sale.  Tim’s blocky, shadowy style was made for the Hellboy world, absolutely, but he’s shamefully wasted on a typically-Allie faceless, wandering tale about… skulls.  Or probably some mythology I should recognize as a longtime HB reader, I dunno.  It’s a meeting of two mysterious characters in a wintry plain, and given that I didn’t even recognize it was two characters on the opening page should tell you that I’m either a really lazy reader, or that the panel guidance wasn’t done all that well ::cough cough Allie::.  Sure, man wearing a suit made out of skulls, I’ll talk to you.  Again: I’m sure I’m missing references a’plenty here, like that two-pronged sword I recognize.  I’m also sure that the story isn’t told in a way that makes me care, or interests me to find out who these two duders are.

Next: welcome Chris Roberson – apparently the next architect post Arcudi going bye-bye – on a ‘and the B.P.R.D.’ tale illustrated by a Michael Walsh.  Roberson, as per usual, doesn’t really write anything too strikingly original, but he has good cheeky sensibilities that should work for Hellboy.  The ghost story he contributes is predictable, but may still have worked… if Walsh didn’t have a horrendous sense of framing.  When the panels are static, he has a sort of swoopy Colan style that’s not bad, but once things start moving – about halfway through the story – the pacing and direction just stop you cold on the page.  It hijacks an average tale into unreadable dreck.  Not a good first outing for Roberson, sadly.

Next up: hey, a female creator, Chelsea Cain!  …Contributing exactly the kind of stereotypical “Liz as a young girl worrying about mood swings and zits” tale that ignorant boys would think are all female creators can write!  Genre: advanced!  …Not saying that the exploration of Liz as a teen wouldn’t be a good angle for attracting certain readers, nor that a female creator wouldn’t have good insight for writing such a story, but “Mood Swings” is just so much cliche stuffed into a Hellboy package.  Mike Oeming’s art is fun though.

The only solid entry here is the ridiculous Kung Pao Lobster two-pager by Dean Rankine, which feels more like a Weird Tales “do whatever you want” job.  It’s a stupid gag strip that nonetheless captures the oddball essence of HB, and LoJo.

So, y’know, some okay art, right?  And I actually liked the last couple pages?  Certainly better than one star?  That’s where my “down on Hellboy” overrides, perhaps.  One star.