2 out of 5

The truth which I think it’s time to accept: I just don’t like Heavy Metal.  It’s a bit confusing, as I enjoyed the Metal Hurlant reappearance in the early 00s, and though I recognize that that, for all intents and purposes, was a completely different mag from the original version from which Heavy Metal evolved, it still feels like there should be connecting “if you like A, you’ll like B” threads.  Along those lines, I enjoy a good percentage of the Humanoids imprint, which I’d also view as a Metal Hurlant offshoot, and which leans more on the fantasy element that sets it and Heavy Metal apart from the sci-fi fueled 2000 ad / Rebellion imprint, and which has some crossover creators with HM… and yet, no, I still don’t enjoy Heavy Metal.

I haven’t given it much of a chance beyond the off issue here and there, drawn in by a particular story of creator – suckered in now, presumably like a lot of folks – by guest-editor-for-a-year Grant Morrison – but I think my random sampling has been enough to settle the matter, especially when my opinion is unchanged by what should be jumping on issues.

Because I was totally on-board with Grant’s proclamations in issue 280’s editorial of injecting the mag with a sense of newness, thinking that, yeah, that’s what what I’d read felt like it was missing: Heavy Metal forever felt like it was written by / for people wanting to re-live the image of HM from its 70s heydays, instead of writing something new that would support and redefine that ethic.  But now, even given that “newness” in these issues, maybe my problem is with the ethic: Maybe I can never disassociate HM from a beer-swilling, tit-loving, long-haired prog-metal-holey-shirt-wearing hesher mentality.  And there’s crossover with sci-fi, and with fantasy, and with erotica, but, like, filtered forever through Beavis and Butthead’s “yeah, cool cool” dumbification.

E.g. Biseley plus Pat Mills = Elaine = 2000 ad.

Biseley + Eastman = Melting Pot = Heavy Metal.

Which is why, cool as it is that Eastman saved and now rubs HM, his procuring of it was never a big surprise, as it was an obvious influence on his shtick from the start (and divorced from Pete Laird’s geeky sky-eyed musings, also never really my bag).

So, best intentions aside, and ignoring that Editor gives Grant Morrison license to be his most obnoxiously indulgent self in the editorials, the contents of these issues – and probably the ones to follow this year, though I won’t be there – still scream out for that Hesher descriptor; an obvious example is Grant’s own contribution with Benjamin Marra, about a war-obsessed alien race’s failed conquest of a planet.  Marra gives the look a cool underground indie comic vibe (newness!); the premise reeks of a classic Morrison Future Shock; but the yelling and swearing and violence is all dumb American bud-guzzling gusto… e.g. Heavy Metal.

How’s that for bias?  Much more succinctly: If you weren’t convinced before, I don’t think these issued are a course correction; thankfully, the complementary side to this is if you were already a dedicated reader, you won’t be chased away.

And now, very, very briefly, specifics on some contents:

Beachhead (280, 81): Morrison and Marra, previously critiqued.  Worth a chuckle, but should be worth more.

Mind Bomb (280): An interesting meta study on abuse, by Anna Kornum.  A little too visually / narratively poetic for me, but the kind of more experimental stuff I’d be fine with seeing in the mag.

Goddess (280): Ferrier and Petrud origin of a vengeful woodland goddess.  Pretty heavy -handed but awesome.  Where was this as an ongoing?

Boring Sequential Story (280): An atrociously incomprehensible “study” on comic art by Aladin Saad.  Near unreadable, due to (perhaps) translation woes and an ironic lacking grasp of how to lay out / pace a comic page.

Julia and Roem (280, 81): A pre-Morrison, ongoing, self-aware update / adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.  I’ve always found Bilal’s art murky, and his writing overwrought.  No change here.

Artist highlights (280, 81): At the very least, Heavy Metal has had no shortage of fantastic artists, and these two issues highlight some fascinating ones – Mimi Scholz and Matthew Bone.  The interviews with and page layouts for these features are not so great (the page design of the Bone featurette is really distracting), but you get enough full-page captures of the art to get a sense for it.  Also grouped under this are the gallery highlights, and the covers; again, some really fantastic work, and Grant did seem to rope in some bizarro artists – as opposed to straight fantasy  – for his covers, which is cool.

The Key (280): Confusing but fun wordless chasing-its-own tail story by Frezzato.

Time Served (280): A clunky time-warping tale by Moreci and Kyle Charles.  It reaches to do what it does, but also would be an acceptable type of tale to center the mag around, acting sorta like a Future Shock.

The 49th Key (280, 81): A pre-Morrison golden child / alternate dimensiony tale by Erika Lewis and J.K. Woodward.  Painted art that suffers the common stiffness problem of that medium, and cheesy dialogue and poor pacing that undercuts any ideas that might be in the script.

Magic Words (280): Esquivel’s one-page tribute to the power of creativity.  Meh.  A little page-fillerish, but inoffensive.

Fiendy (280): Gary Becks’ attempt at sci-fi commentary on It culture.  Pretty obvious and overloud with art that seems fun but doesn’t move.  Another representation of American sci-fi (Heavy Metal) vs. UK (2000 ad).

Lepidopteran (280): Another Future Shock-ish twist tale, by Emilio Balcare and Gaston Vivanco.  Art that doesn’t serve the action well enough and a stiff script sink it into uninteresting territory.

Salsa (280, 81): Mozchops’ computer tweaked, photo-ish closeup art of insects, with a really lame poem attempting to narrate some story.  The art is too muted and unfocused to be interesting, and I already used the word “lame” for the words, so you know where I stand on that.  Couldn’t get through these pages fast enough.

Option 3 (281): Morrison and Aston’s pun-filled fuck-adventurer contribution to 281, the Sex issue.  Again, should be more amusing than it is; reads like an Americanized Anibal 5.

Luv U (281): Harmless jokey two-pager by Roggenbau and Delpeche

The Last Romantic Hero (281): Haspiel.  Billy Dogma!  …Looking good but not making much sense.

Frog Wife / Red Beaver Bandit (281): The former is a one-pager, the latter a portrait, by Heshka, done in red-hued oils.  Again, ‘harmless’ is a good term: Not a waste of page, but nothing especially compelling.

Her First Time (281): Jamaica Dyer’s psychedelic interpretation of – I’ll be simple-minded and just assume – lesbian sex.  Not my bag, but in line with the kind of experimental fantasy I hoped the mag would cater toward.

Zentropa (281): John Mahoney’s no-idea-what’s-going-on intricately layered fantasy art, with, apparently, a story.

One such partner (281): Haspiel’s interpretation of Stoya’s laments / appreciation of a friendship.  Sci-fi art can’t disguise the cheese factor, and a dumbly confusing last line.

Space Jizz (281): I didn’t laugh, but another “more of this” foray, certainly fitting for a sex issue.

So: Zero point five things which excited me, and several things which bummed me out.  This rating is from a confirmed non Heavy Metal fan, who tried again and remained a non-fan.   Despite Grant Morrison’s noted attempts at slipping some Zing in there, it’s still – for better or worse, your mileage may vary – Heavy Metal.