2 out of 5

I hem and I haw: when something has a quality opening and some good quirks along the way but it gut-churningly, frustratingly disappointing for the bulk of its six issues, what kind of rating does that merit?

Franken 9, a digital, Archie-published series, cast itself into the publisher’s more modern, edgy ventures (Dark Circle, Archie horrors) with its intriguing, unapologetic zero issue: Doctor Lambda has created an organ-growing method for immortality, but wont share it with the public, instead going into isolation, kidnapping several homeless kids, and genetically modifying them into geniuses.

Their memories are gone; he raises them under cold logic, with no regard for humanity, in order to assist with his ultimate “cure” for the world’s ills: …Which, okay, is essentially mad scientist “I’ll rule everyone!” plotting, but I was impressed by how writers Jared Goldwater and Ryan Straughn just went for it, not including a hero angle to cast any aspersions on the proposed plan, nor any snark or foreshadowing that suggested that Lambda wouldn’t succeed. Juxtaposed against artist Ryan Jampole’s somewhat traditional Archie design style – albeit with much more cinematic angles and a gloomier color palette – Franken 9 was certainly melodramatic, but its boldness and straight-forward style had me hooked.

A warning: if you write geniuses into your script – Franken 9 has nine kids plus the mad scientist – you’re backing yourself into a corner in which you’re going to have to put up or shut up with the convincing genius plans and dialogue.

Genius plans: punching other people, “sneaking” into locations in plain sight, fighting people who overpower you.

Right after the bravado of its opening, Franken 9 slips into some of the most dumbed-down, cliche-ridden, good guy vs. bad guy writing to which Ive recently subjected myself. Three of the kids very suddenly doubt their creator’s plans and run away, setting up the story to be a series of chases and scheme-foilings. Unfortunately, without adequately establishing motivations beyond declarative statements – e.g. We’ve got to stop them! – we never again get the buildup the zero issue offered, and instead follow in our clumsy (sorry, genius) heroes wake as they Mr. Bean their way through foiling evil plans, which are of the utmost grandiose unsubtle variety (blow up satellites and the like, no prob), committed by characters who in no way match their “cold, logical” upbringings and instead act like slang spewing coolteens.

My eyes rolled many, many-a-time.

But the ending finally steps over the line into somewhat embracing the cheeseball nature of the script (the mistake, maybe, was in trying ti convince us it was serious at the outset…) with a hilarious reveal, and in retrospect, there are a couple of respectable plot additions along the way that are just buried beneath boring writing and action.

And Franken 9 is a good title; thankfully no one refers to the characters that way in-series.

To answer my question, then: I reward a good opening and a sprinkle of good ideas with an extra star in its rating. I guess we’ll see if that results in enough motivation to read the series’ followup….